#TheTruth

Our blog tag line is-A real fertility story: the good, the bad and the ugly. By nature I'm a positive person so it's hard for me to write about the "bad or ugly" parts of our journey. But I think it is so important to be real, honest and vulnerable! 

So here it goes... me opening up like never before! But remember, I am human and these are real feelings! Don't judge :) 

Mother's Day. One of the joyous days of the year, right? For a woman who desires a baby more than anything in the world it can be one of the toughest days she may ever face. For me this year, Mother's Day was just that. I personally had never struggled on this particular day before but I know other women who have. This was my 3rd Mother's Day without my mom, my 15th since being diagnosed with PCOS and of course Aunt Flo made her appearance right before church that day.  Just being real.....let's just say I was an emotional wreck walking into church that morning! 

I honestly wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day with a good book. My theme verse is Hebrews 12:1 "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." So I reminded myself of this verse and my part to run in this race. I got up, got dressed and walked into church with my head held high! 

Earlier in that week I had read an Instagram post on this topic and it was an awesome reminder that church is our safe place. There was no other place I needed to be on that day. People there knew my story and embraced me because they knew it would be a tough day.

During a part of the service we prayed over all the moms. I turned around and prayed with the mom behind me. As we finished, I hugged her and she whispered some encouragement in my ear, to which I emotionally couldn't handle and began to ugly cry! She squeezed tighter. It was reminder in that moment that church IS our safe place and it's ok to be real because we are human. On that day I needed my safe place more than I ever could have realized!! 

Our Next Steps.....

I was talking to a friend about our infertility journey. I made the comment "We have tried everything." She replied "Yes, you have." Yet in that moment I thought to myself, "Have we really tried everything?" 

If you have followed our journey at all you know that we've done many things like; natural methods, medical treatments (IUI & IVF), and adoptions, all of which were unsuccessful. I also began a lifestyle change a couple years ago and have lost 70lbs to date. When I say we've tried everything, we have! 

This year Mark and I have decided that we will no longer pursue any avenues of having a baby. We will embrace our journey and continue to support others who have a similar story to ours. 

In the Instagram post I mention above, she also talked about women who have mothering hearts but childless arms. The writer went on to say "if you have a desire to be a mom, there will never be a season in your life that God will not give you someone to help nurture, love and shape."  God is so faithful! There are so many kiddos God has brought into our lives that we have the opportunity to love on! So, Thanks to my tribe of Moms who never say no when I need to be "Aunt Cathy" you guys will never know what it means to me. 

It's been a while.....

So it's been a really long time since I have written to you guys. Boy, have I missed it! Here's what's been going on in the last year: 

Infertility Update: After our 2nd failed IVF I didn't want to deal with anything related to trying for a baby. It's a phase I went through and is completely normal when dealing with fertility issues. So in March 2016 Mark and I met with our fertility doctor. There's not much more they can do for us except expensive trial testing. We opted out of this due to the toll it would take on my body. We have also had a couple adoption opportunities that haven't panned out. So with that being said we are content in being DINKS (double income no kids). As I always say if God provides a miracle we would be thrilled!! 

Family Update: Mark and I adopted the sweetest little dog on Thanksgiving night!  Bella Ann Mosley will be 4 in March. She has stolen our hearts from the moment we picked her up!! She's definitely a momma's girl and loves to wear clothes!! 

Personal Update: 2014 was a year of loss for me and to be totally honest it changed my life. 

2014 Recap

February 

Buster our 14 year old dog passed away. 

March 

Gizmo our 13 year old dog passed away 

Our 1st IVF attempt and it was unsuccessful 

July 

My mom passed away

October 

Our 2nd IVF attempt and it was unsuccessful 

After losing my mom and our 2nd IVF fail and I decided it was time to refocus and spend some time on myself, spiritually, emotionally and physically. The biggest change that needed to take place was physically. It's hard to admit but I was quite overweight. PCOS has a lot to do with weight but when I put my mind to something I determined not to be a statistic. So with super hard work and motivation I joined a gym!! Eeeeekkk! I remember being so self conscious and it took so much will power to go everyday! Fast forward  to 2017 and I LOVE working out and lifting weights. This shy overweight girl is now confident and isn't afraid to lift weights! My body is completely transformed. I'm still a "fluffy" girl but WAY healthier and much more fit!! It hasn't come easy and it didn't  happen over night but every drop of sweat, early morning cardio session, and days of sore muscles has totally been worth it! 

I'm excited to see what 2017 has in store for the Mosley's!

 If you are on the fertility journey remember these two things:

1. Infertility is a part of who you are NOT who you are! I know it can be life consuming with all the testing, shots, appointments and disappointments but stay grounded in who you are! 

2. Hebrews 12:1  "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." 

Everyone has a story. Infertility just happens to be yours and mine. Our job is to run this race the best we can. Never forgetting that God has our back. I've said it before, with everything that has happened on our journey I never felt like God left us or betrayed us!! I know He has amazing plans for us and I see them unfold everyday!!


Until next time my friends!!!
XOXOXO
Cathy

Day 6: Things to Say (and Not to Say)

I am always reminded I'm getting older with each year that passes and I'm still not a mom. I came across this article at resolve.org. It's a good read! Be sensitive to your friends who aren't Moms. I'm not saying we need special treatment just keep us in your prayers. 

25 Things to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Living with Infertility

To Say:

1. 
   Let them know that you care.The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care.
2. Do your research. Read up about infertility, and possibly treatments or other family building options your friend is considering, so that you are informed when your friend needs to talk.
3. Act interested. Some people don’t want to talk about infertility, but some do. Let them know you’re available if they want to talk.
4. Ask them what they need. They may also appreciate if you ask them what the most helpful things to say are.
5. Provide extra outreach to your male friends. Infertility is not a woman’s-centric issue; your male friends are most likely grieving silently. Don’t push, but let them know you’re available.
6. When appropriate, encourage therapy. If you feel your friend could benefit from talking to a professional to handle his or her grief, suggest therapy gently. If you go to therapy regularly, or ever have, share your personal story.
7. Support their decision to stop treatment. No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. 
8. Remember them on Mother's and Father’s Day. With all of the activity on Mother's Day and Father’s Day, people tend to forget about those who cannot become mothers and fathers. Remember your infertile friends on these days; they will appreciate knowing that you haven't forgotten them.
9. Attend difficult appointments with them. You can offer to stay in the waiting room or come into the appointment with them. But the offer lets them know how committed you are to supporting them. 
10. Watch their older kids. Attending appointments may be difficult if they have older kids at home.
11. Offer to be an exercise buddy. Sometimes losing weight is necessary to make treatments more effective. If you know they are trying to lose weight, you could offer to join them because it would help you achieve your personal fitness goals as well. 
12. Let them know about your pregnancy. But deliver the news in a way that lets them handle their initial reaction privately – email is best.

Not To Say:

1. Don't tell them to relax. Comments such as "just relax" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
2. Don't minimize the problem. Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. 
3. Don't say there are worse things that could happen. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Different people react to different life experiences in different ways.
4. Don't say they are not meant to be parents. “One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, ‘Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother.’” Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
5. Don't ask why they are not trying IVF. Because most insurance plans do not cover IVF treatment, many are unable to pay for the out-of-pocket expenses. Infertility stress is physical, emotional, and financial.
6. Don't push adoption or another solution. So often infertile couples are asked, “Why don’t you just adopt?” The couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision or chose another family building option.
7. Don’t say, “You’re young, you have plenty of time to get pregnant.” Know the facts. It’s recommended that women under 35 see a fertility specialist after being unable to conceive for one year. Being young increases your chance of fertility treatments working, but it does not guarantee success.
8. Don't gossip about your friend's condition. For some, infertility treatments are a very private matter, which is why you should respect your friend’s privacy. 
9. Don't be crude. Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like, "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
10. Don't complain about your pregnancy. For many facing infertility, it can be hard to be around other women who are pregnant. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Not complaining can make things a little easier for your friend. 
11. Don’t question their sadness about being unable to conceive a second child. Having one child does not mean a couple feels they have completed their family. Also, a couple may have had their first child naturally and easily but are now experiencing secondary infertility - infertility that comes after you’ve already had a child. 
12. Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. Male or female factor. Just because a friend has told you he or she is experiencing infertility as a couple, does not mean he or she wants to discuss the details.
13. On the other hand, don’t assume the infertility is female factor. 1/3 of infertility is female factor, 1/3 is male factor, and 1/3 is unexplained.

Sources:

• How Can I Support A Friend with Infertility

Day 5: Prayer

Day 4: When waiting becomes hard

I was recently reading a blog about healing and the question was asked "Do you believe God only heals instantly?" And "if He didn't your faith just wasn't big enough."

Here's how I answered and how believe........

That is definitely hard to believe! I believe both ways. Sometimes God says "yes", and instantly heals you instantly , "no" and that's His final answer and not right now:) 

What about Sarah? Her healing wasn't instant. Noah's wasn't healing but he waited on God as well! There's numerous stories in the Bible about waiting on God! 

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 14 yrs!! Faith of a mustard seed-oh we have much bigger faith than that!! 

Then why hasn't God given us the desires of our hearts? Because it's just not in His plan, yet or maybe ever. 

Because His word says He has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us. I have to believe that!! 

 It's not for the lack of trying on our part. We are in the middle of our 5th (and last) fertility treatment. 

Our job is not to question God but to be obedient!! I don't know why I'm not healed or if I will ever hold a precious baby that I have longed for but I do know that as long as God provides a way for us to try we should use it. 

We prayed, fasted and set a plan. 

During this journey I'm learning how to appreciate Gods love, grace, favor, faithfulness and joy more than I ever would have if I have been instantly healed 13 years ago!!!

Day 3: FAQ-Infertility

FAQ-Infertility

Q:What is Infertility?
A: Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system that impairs one of the body's most basic functions: the conception of children. Conception is a complicated process that depends upon many factors.

Q:What Causes Infertility?
A: No one can be blamed for infertility any more than anyone is to blame for diabetes or leukemia. In rough terms, about one-third of infertility cases can be attributed to male factors, and about one-third to factors that affect women. For the remaining one-third of infertile couples, infertility is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, in about 20 percent of cases, is unexplained.

Q: How is Infertility Diagnosed?
A: Couples are generally advised to seek medical help if they are unable to achieve pregnancy after a year of unprotected intercourse. The doctor will conduct a physical examination of both partners to determine their general state of health and to evaluate physical disorders that may be causing infertility. 

Q: What is In Vitro Fertilization?

A: (IVF) offers a chance at parenthood to couples who until recently would have had no hope of having a "biologically related" child. 

In IVF, eggs are surgically removed from the ovary and mixed with sperm outside the body in a Petri dish. After about 40 hours, the eggs are examined to see if they have become fertilized by the sperm and are dividing into cells. These fertilized eggs (embryos) are then placed in the women's uterus.

Q: Is In Vitro Fertilization Expensive?

A: The average cost of an IVF cycle in the United States is $12,400. Like other extremely delicate medical procedures, IVF involves highly trained professionals with sophisticated laboratories and equipment, and the cycle may need to be repeated to be successful. While IVF and other assisted reproductive technologies are not inexpensive, they account for only three hundredths of one percent (0.03%) of U.S. health care costs. Most fertility treatments are not covered by insurance.

Day 2: Our Story

When Mark and I decided to go public about our fertility struggles three years ago (that means we kept it to ourselves for 11years) our hope was to help other couples not feel alone in this journey. 

I was scared of what people would think of me when we revealed our "secret" but it was time to let God use our story for His purpose. We had been married for over 11 years people were wondering if we would ever have kids. When we were asked "don't you want kids?" We would politely tell them our situation. At this point we had never shared our story in a large group setting. 

Today we are open about every decision we have made since going public. I even started this blog:) we have helped so many couples. We have prayed with, encouraged and just listened to their stories. 

 I love sharing my story and how faithful God has been to Mark and I. You maybe asking "How is God faithful? You don't have a child?"

I saw a quote that said "if your dreams can be achieved without God's help, then your dreams aren't big enough". We are continuing to have hope!! 

In the last two years we have been through 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and meeting a birth mom about adopting her twins, to which all were unsuccessful. Mark and I have been through a lot and can share our experiences better now than when we first went public.   

Mark and I have taken the last year off to heal and pray about our future plans. We have not decided on our next steps. We are continuing to wait and see what God has planned for us!!