Our blog tag line is-A real fertility story: the good, the bad and the ugly. By nature I'm a positive person so it's hard for me to write about the "bad or ugly" parts of our journey. But I think it is so important to be real, honest and vulnerable!
So here it goes... me opening up like never before! But remember, I am human and these are real feelings! Don't judge :)
Mother's Day. One of the joyous days of the year, right? For a woman who desires a baby more than anything in the world it can be one of the toughest days she may ever face. For me this year, Mother's Day was just that. I personally had never struggled on this particular day before but I know other women who have. This was my 3rd Mother's Day without my mom, my 15th since being diagnosed with PCOS and of course Aunt Flo made her appearance right before church that day. Just being real.....let's just say I was an emotional wreck walking into church that morning!
I honestly wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day with a good book. My theme verse is Hebrews 12:1 "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." So I reminded myself of this verse and my part to run in this race. I got up, got dressed and walked into church with my head held high!
Earlier in that week I had read an Instagram post on this topic and it was an awesome reminder that church is our safe place. There was no other place I needed to be on that day. People there knew my story and embraced me because they knew it would be a tough day.
During a part of the service we prayed over all the moms. I turned around and prayed with the mom behind me. As we finished, I hugged her and she whispered some encouragement in my ear, to which I emotionally couldn't handle and began to ugly cry! She squeezed tighter. It was reminder in that moment that church IS our safe place and it's ok to be real because we are human. On that day I needed my safe place more than I ever could have realized!!
Our Next Steps.....
I was talking to a friend about our infertility journey. I made the comment "We have tried everything." She replied "Yes, you have." Yet in that moment I thought to myself, "Have we really tried everything?"
If you have followed our journey at all you know that we've done many things like; natural methods, medical treatments (IUI & IVF), and adoptions, all of which were unsuccessful. I also began a lifestyle change a couple years ago and have lost 70lbs to date. When I say we've tried everything, we have!
This year Mark and I have decided that we will no longer pursue any avenues of having a baby. We will embrace our journey and continue to support others who have a similar story to ours.
In the Instagram post I mention above, she also talked about women who have mothering hearts but childless arms. The writer went on to say "if you have a desire to be a mom, there will never be a season in your life that God will not give you someone to help nurture, love and shape." God is so faithful! There are so many kiddos God has brought into our lives that we have the opportunity to love on! So, Thanks to my tribe of Moms who never say no when I need to be "Aunt Cathy" you guys will never know what it means to me.